Wednesday, April 06, 2005

The Future is Now

I decided I wanted to survive. No matter what. This is a strong opinion for a child to hold. It was important to me. I would draw pictures of Pegasus and ask Him for help in this enterprise of living. It was reassuring to know, He existed. At least, as much as Jesus and God, in my mind. I knew, even as a child, this was bad to think if I wanted to go to Heaven, but I thought it, anyway.

"We are going to Yellowstone Park with Mr. Jacob's sister", my father said one day. She was a photographer with the National Geographic. We were all very excited. My father loves volcanoes and earthquakes and other earth events. This was his hobby. So visiting a geologically active area was his cup of ramen noodles.

Mom had to buy coats and other things we needed for the chill up north. This was fun, buying things. Even though, as the younger sister of older sisters, I ended up getting a hand me down. I could never hand anything down. My older sisters were bigger than me and so was my younger sister. I was at the bottom of the clothing totem pole. Rats.

But I wanted to see Yellowstone so badly. We saw stuff on the Disney shows on Sundays and this looked like a great place to merge with many trees and talk to various wild animals. I couldn't wait.

The night before we were to go I lay in bed and then something bad happened. While awake, I had a nightmare. Everything was shaking violently and I was going to be killed. I couldn't get out of bed. Finally, I broke the chains of Lethe and screamed. My parents came into the room. "Oh no, she is sick", said mom, always observant. Throwing up is a good clue a child isn't well.

Running a raging fever, my parents debated finding someone who wouldn't mind taking care of a sick child versus not going. I told them to not go...gabbling in my fever, I was very alarmed. So they cancelled the trip.

The next day, my father came into the bedroom, looking very grim. "We just had an earthquake in Yellowstone. The camp we were going to stay in was destroyed and everyone was killed." He looked at me very oddly. I pulled the covers closer. I wanted to tell him, I knew already.

If I were an outcast before, now it was much more so.


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