Monday, April 04, 2005

Last Night's Dream

I dreamed last night. Over the years, I have built a fortress out of parts of the Dream Realm. So I can exist there, more or less. But this was a dream that woke me up. Such dreams stay fixed in the mind like a photograph.

I came around the corner into another dream, one that I try to avoid. There was a young girl lying naked on the ground. She was bleeding. She was too young to have a menstral period. I wanted to save her. All I could do was tell her, "Run. You must run." She ran.

I hate this sort of dream. Visiting myself. Wish it didn't have to be so vivid.

Remembering the lightning bolt was pretty easy. By the time I was sixteen, I could remember it pretty well. It helped that I was hit again, while indoors. Being wary, I was able to fend it off when it blew apart the wall. The electrical charge that jumped from the wall socket did annoy me. Can't let my guard down! Luckily, wearing rubber shoes means I can laugh at the lightning. But this other matter is different.

June 13, 1964, my first period came,nearly hemmoraging to death in church, my slender white dress black with rancid blood, everyone decided it might be wise to take me to the hospital immediately. My mother was flustered and couldn't remember my name as she tried to register me in the hospital as they prepared me for surgery so I told the staff all the information they needed. This relieved my parents of that burden. The surgeon thought it was very odd, to hemmorage from like that, from a mere first menstral period.

Menes is the moon and man and mental comes from that ancient, powerful, dark word.

When I recovered from the surgery, the doctor visited me. "I need to ask you some questions," he said. Immediately, my guard was up. No one believes me if I tell them the truth so I learned to misguide them. "Go ahead", I said, trying to discourage him.

"Do you love anyone?" he asked.

Nothing human or earthly, I thought.

"No. No one loves me, either", I said, "It has always been that way". He was quite shocked.

Trying again, he asked me if I liked men. What? Any man touches me, dies. I practice shooting for this very purpose. "No".

He sighed and then became blunt. "You are not a virgin".

I stared at him. "I can't remember ever being one", I said. This caused an inquisition which had me very upset because I couldn't understand why I said that to the surgeon. The result of this was a report that my deflowering happened long ago.


Now I had to find out what happened. Scratch at my mind, nothing would come up except a plane flying very low, in the middle distance, taking forever to pass. This upset me, this droning plane. But that was all.

In 1989, I went to my godfather's funeral in William's Bay where Yerkes is. While there, I visited Lightning tree and saw the huge burn that ran down the trunk and along the arm. The director's wife even told me about the little girl who was hit. I turned to her and said, "Yes. I am Elaine." She blanched. We didn't talk anymore. She wanted me out of there.

I went across the street and rang the doorbell. "Are you the family with the coo coo clock and the wooden rocking horse?" I asked. They smiled and said, "Yes, do we know you?"

Hearing my name, I wasn't invited into the house. This puzzled me. I am a middle aged adult. I look more or less normal.

I then approached another house. It seemed to smell different from all the others, the smell set off my brain as one memory after another poured in effortlessly. I remembered the house perfectly. Curious, trembling, I approached and a woman came out. She asked my name. Warily, I said it.

"Elaine! I remember you well! You were in my kindergarden class!" Shocked, I entered the house for she wanted to reminince. This was a usesful mistake. I was in a vortex of awakening memories. They flooded my mind. I tried to chat but a cold sweat was pouring off my back.

She rose and said, "Here is my husband". Just then, I saw a book about Wittgenstein and Goethe's Faust in the bookcase. I always hated Wittgenstein and Faust angered me. I turned and saw him. His wife said, "I have to go to the store, see you later" and she left us alone. We stood there staring at each other in rising horror.

"You came back", he said.

"Yes, for the first time", I said.

'Why did you take so long?" he asked.

'I came because someone died," I said, hair on end.

"I love you, " he said, moving closer now. I stepped back.

"Get away from me," I whispered.

"I always loved you!" he said harder now. He grabbed my arms and tried to kiss me.

"I was only five years old!" I wailed. Suddenly, I was the mother, not the child. I threw him aside. "I remember you. You raped me".

He said, "No, no, I loved you and they put me in the hospital but I wanted you and you were gone when I came out".

I said, "Oh, this is such a time loop, I have to go," and I ran out the door, outside, I turned, he was crying, "You are going to die soon, I see it hovering over you. I forgive you because I can't have you at the Gates of Death, go!" and I left, he fell to the ground, in agony.

He died four years later. When the third powerful lightning bolt came looking for me.


Blogger sharon raphael said...



1:06 AM  

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